Harbor Light – 2015/06

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Am I entirely ready to have God remove all of my defects of character, not just a few? Not always. Some of them are like a security blanket. They are a smelly blanket of comfort and familiarity. The smell keeps people away, forcing me to put my blanket of defects away from time to time. It is when I feel insecure that I reach for its warmth again. The biggest part of this equation for me is what I truly believe about God. Do I believe that God is strong enough or even cares about me en ough to remove these defects? To heal what appears to be broken in me? Sometimes that answer is no. That is when I surrender to the defect and not to God. I was taught that I couldn’t stop participating in a behavior without replacing it with something of equal or greater value. Otherwise, I would go back into the behavior. Do I feel God is of equal or greater value than my defect? How can I give up something, even something harmful, if I do not believe in my heart of hearts that I have a sufficient substitute? In order for me to step across a bridge that is shaky and take the hand outstretched, I have to believe that hand is strong enough to not let me fall.